Krysondra wrote:I am all for honesty in a non-painful fashion. I'm for honesty now that will prevent more pain later. However, changing the rules in the middle of the game is not cool - not cool at all.
Rules. I agree with you about honesty in the present. My husband and I set a "rule" that we both need to address problems honestly in the present and not to bring up issues from the past. You've heard the saying, "the fight about the toliet seat is not about the toliet seat", this is so true. I have to say, it works for us. This may sound sexist, but I do believe men and women distribute the weight of a problem differently. Maybe honesty and respect go hand in hand. A husband, or wife, may not understand the feelings of a spouse, however, those feelings need to be respected. Otherwise, there will be fights over toliet seats. I guess what I'm trying to say is, that in a valuable relationship people should feel comfortable with being honest.
This goes with kids too. A few days ago my 13 year old son took me aside and said, "I want to talk to you, you are not going to like it, but I want to talk". This type of honesty is crucial between kids and parents. You don't want a child to be afraid of exposing his feelings or thoughts or actions. Loved ones should be advacates for one another, and again, you need to respect their honesty. This reminds me of another saying, "little kids; little problems, big kids; big problems". If there is an open exchange of honesty, the BIG problem doesn't sound so big. It's the emotions that kids can harbor that can get out of control, have to say, my "talk" with my son brought us closer together.
Honesty between partners is tricky. I've been married for almost 20 years, at this point, there are no more secrets to tell, if there is, I've forgotten them. I don't believe that spouses need to lay out their entire past, not all at one time anyway. What do you think, how much truth about your life (before meeting your partner) should be exposed. What should be exposed?