You can read the entire story for free here at http://www.warpedtongues.blogspot.com/2 ... alant.html
I can really use some advice so I can try and improve. Do you think I'm ready to be a writer, or do I need more practice? What lines of dialogue do you like, which ones do you hate? Am I using too many nouns, too many adjectives, not enough verbs? Any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated. I can handle negative feedback too. Sometimes you have to be a little negative to help someone realize what they're doing wrong.
Please help! Thanks for your time
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