My Story... (An X-Jehovah Witness tells all)

[NaddiaAoC]

Life felt so pointless to me. What does it matter if a child dies? It only matters to the few people in its life that care about it, but who are they? They're going to die too. What does it matter if a person lives 6 months or 60 years? Nature keeps us alive so that we can spread our genes and then tosses us out. Who cares about the individual? Who cares about a person's hopes and dreams? A car accident and now it's all over. It's all fucking over. That person is gone, never to think or feel again. None of this matters. None of it. It's all bullshit. I felt that way for a while, but kept going through motions of trying to care, wanting to care. I cared about my daughter. I wasn't sure why I cared about her. I thought that it must be a pretty irrational thing, but I did nonetheless. And I wanted her to be happy. So I kept working to provide a nice safe home for us. Some time later I read a book called Unweaving the Rainbow by Richard Dawkins and that really helped my outlook on life. Why is life only worth living if there is some greater purpose to it? Does science have to destroy the mystery, beauty and aesthetic experience of life? Must science render our perception of the world cold and devoid of feeling and emotion, or can we still experience wonder, awe, art, poetry, music, emotion and purpose while maintaining a scientific approach to our world? Understanding how a rainbow is formed instead of seeing it as some mysterious opaque color beam with a pot of gold waiting at the end shouldn't destroy our awe and wonder. Science should fuel our imaginations. As we unravel some of the mysteries of our universe, there are many more awaiting on the horizon. Nature is full of beauty and mystery. Science merely seeks to understand it.Perhaps we are only here because we happened to win the "sperm lottery," but think of what an amazing accomplishment that is in itself. Of all the potential people that could have been conceived from a single ejaculation, and all of the ejaculations that never result in a conception in the first place, you happened to be the one who "won." The odds are astronomically small that YOU are here reading this, but here you are, the one who made it. Then when you consider all of the conceptions who never make it to birth and all of the children born who do not make it to adulthood, you're one of the extremely rare and unique individuals who did make it. Nature may not care about you as an individual, but it allowed you the rare and unique experience of life, however brief it might be. All of the multitudes of potential people numbering the grains of sand of the Arabian Desert will never awaken to the see the beauty of our world and the experience of life, but we got lucky. Even if we only live for a few decades, what an amazing experience it is! People far more intelligent, beautiful, and creative than me could potentially have been born instead, but here I sit in my "ordinariness," the one lucky enough to experience life. Why not make the most of it during our short time here?Reading Dawkin's book really resonated with me on an emotional level. It helped to fill some of the emptiness and purposelessness that I was feeling in life. I do feel lucky to be here. There may not be any "greater" purpose to life than simply living, but what an amazing experience that is. Life is the purpose

[Chris OConnor]

Thanks for bumping it back, Frank. Are there still swear words in this version!? :-)

[Chris OConnor]

I think I didn't read a few of the last posts too. I don't want to act like a few swear words make the story less compelling. The reality is I never got around to creating the pages where I was going to host such personal stories. And I really should. This is a story that deserves to be heard.I miss you, Cheryl.