Just got to let it out!

[Suzanne]

My son started a tennis tournament today, a very high level tournament, run by the USTA and held at the Arthur Ashe facility in Philadelphia, the best of the best. Before the start of any tournament, the head official goes over the rules, it is a gentlemen’s game. We are told today that anything that remotely sounds like “uck” will result in a game penalty, this is typical as it should be, but, what about the parents?

As I am watching my son play, I notice who I am sitting next to. I am sitting next to a mother and father whose son is playing right smack dab in front of me. Now, I have heard the stories of this particular father, he has a very bad temper and has actually been banned twice from attending any USTA events. His latest banning was lifted less than a month ago. But, like anything else, you really can’t appreciate the actions of a true deranged maniac until you encounter him personally.

Another USTA rule, you cannot, cannot! speak to your player, ever, ever, ever! My son was playing two courts down from me, lunatic Dad’s son’s match was right in front of me, so when the lunatic Dad’s son left the court for an unscheduled break, leaving his opponent on the court, perfect storm conditions were created.

The lunatic father’s son leaves for a break to the men’s locker room, leaving his opponent on the court, it is a sweltering 95 degrees. The opponent looks at me, I’m two feet away from him. Aaaaa! he was hot, tired, dripping with sweat and looked so dejected knowing that lunatic’s son was enjoying a cool reprieve from the battering sun, a reprieve not offered to him. The mommy came out of me and I said, “Why don’t you take a break too?” Holy shit! I never thought a 6 foot five inch, 300 pound deranged lunatic could move so fast. The lunatic father climbed over his wife (his cowering wife) and with closed fist in my face said, “You F…ing b….! Who the f… do you think you f…ing are? You can’t f…ing talk to a f…ing player”, F! F! F!

This occurred in front of many people, including children, occurred in hearing distance of many people, including children, many heard, except for the officials listening carefully for anything sounding like “uck”. First impulse, get away, nope can’t do it, afraid that standing up would get me a punch in the face. Called an official over, and with a trembling timbre said, “This man is assaulting me”. Gigantic deranged lunatic father says, “She was talking to a player!” Official says, “I don’t want to hear from either one of you.” I should have called the police. I tell my kids that this is the type of situation where you need to call the police, but I didn’t, I didn’t. I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t!!!! I inform the head official, I inform the tennis director, all I hear is, “No official heard it. You can’t talk to a player, you can’t talk to a player!” USTA policy should never take presidence over public policy.

My son wins, we have two hours to refresh and refuel before his next match, we head off to the Dunkin Donuts which is the closet place, he gets his food, were sitting in the air conditioned car, I’m crying to my husband on the phone, and the storm continues. Lunatic Dad and family pull into the lot about three cars away. My son spots them. While leaving, lunatic Dad pulls his car up to the passenger side of my car, and gives my son the finger and mouths his mantra, “F You!” Now I’ve got a scared 17 year old, he doesn’t want to go back.

But back we have to go. Now I am no longer crying, because my big mommy side is out. I inform the head official and tennis director about what happened. Ah, happened outside the tennis facility, doesn’t concern them. “BUT YOU HAVE A MENACING, ASSAULTING, DANGEROUS MAN ON YOUR PREMISES!” A duty of care has been breached by the authorities and representatives of the facility, no different than a manager of a grocery store scattering dozens of grapes upon the floor for unsuspecting customers. The response I got sent chills down my spine. The head official, a woman, said of the initial attack, “No official heard it, but you started it”. This statement became her mantra. “You started it”, “YOU STARTED IT!” I could only stand there astonished and say, “And you must think all battered women deserve it, and all victims of rape ask for it”. I did! I did, I did I did! Made up a little for what I didn’t.!

She told me to leave and threatened my son with disqualification, because I lacked good sportsmanship. I asked her to write down her name, I ask the same of the director, I requested this information three times, they refused to give it to me. (No worries there, I guess I should mention that my husband is a USTA coach, USTA official, tennis pro, and has a number one ranking nationally in doubles play. He made one phone call and received all the necessary info, including the fact that lunatic Dad was once a pro boxer. Makes me wonder where the cowering wife hides her bruises).

Have to say six parents, that I know of, complained today to the head official and director about the deranged lunatic Dad, and so did the sweet opponent and his parents. During my son’s match after returning, I was surrounded and felt protected by these people. I’ve known these kids and their parents since my son was 10, he is now 17. One parent said to me, “We are like a family”.

I have learned that this father has physically assaulted a player, and has verbally assaulted and physically intimidated many parents. He needs to be banned one last time, and forever, and in my opinion, seek treatment for the sake of his wife and children. This is one of those situations where I tell myself, “At least I don’t have to live with him”.

My son goes back tomorrow, he has two matches, and if he wins those two, which is likely, he will then face lunatic Dad’s son on Monday in the draw. I don’t know how my son will handle this. Needless to say, I will be there with him, along with our tennis family, however, this time I will be accompanied by my husband.

Many letters will be written, my husband and I will go up the ladder touching every rung along the way to the top of the USTA and the Arthur Ashe facility, organization and foundation. Although most of my words were directed at the head official today, I was able to express my disappointment and disgust to the director that this occurred at the Arthur Ashe facility. It is a shame! It’s a disgrace! This behavior should not be tolerated on the courts and fields of our favorite sports, especially when children are the participants and parents are the spectators.

I’m sorry this post is so long, thank you to anyone who is still here with me while I harangue about my day today. I either had to write about it, or swallow it, and this was just too much for me to swallow.

[DWill]

Suzanne, I would thank you for the post, because it's so well put together and intense, but somehow it doesn't seem right under the circumstances. Never have I heard of a more deranged whacko sports parent than this guy.

Congratulations to your son (not just for winning).

[Suzanne]

Thanks for listening DWill

[President Camacho]

Wow. Good vent.

[Endlessreader]

Sorry, that is just shocking. Our daughter played in the local ponytail league one year and that was enough for us. I saw some parents who are downright vulgar and rude. I never understood this mentality. After that our daughter has been involved in school sports, and we haven't seen this on that circuit so far.

I cannot believe you were treated like that and nothing was done. I am glad your husband and your friends are with you on a go forward basis--he will do it again so hopefully he will be banned.

Good luck to your son and congratulations on the fact that he gotten to this level. You must be very proud and please don't let that gasbag ruin it for you.

[Veneer]

Suzanne, Sorry to hear of your travails. But please be very cautious around this character. You mentioned he has a history of assaulting both physically and verbally and that he is a boxer.

I find the fact that he is a boxer troubling. I read an article not long ago, where they stated that sports participants that suffer a lot of trauma to the head such as football players and boxers are more likely to develop mental problems in middle and old age than the general population. You could be dealing with a bomb, so be very careful.

[Suzanne]

I find the fact that he is a boxer troubling. I read an article not long ago, where they stated that sports participants that suffer a lot of trauma to the head such as football players and boxers are more likely to develop mental problems in middle and old age than the general population. You could be dealing with a bomb, so be very careful.

Thanks Veneer and everyone, this situation has been pretty upsetting to me.

I find it troubling as well that this gigantic madman was once a pro boxer, and you are right, he will seriously hurt someone, it may even be a kid. What I find more troubling is he is still allowed to attend these events, and how he is totally screwing up his kids. He has an older son who was permanently banned from these tournaments when he was 12 due to the same behavior his father demonstrates, and his wife looks scared to death of him, well, she probably is. It’s a shame for his family, they witness all this crap. It’s sad, his son from this tournament is a fantastic player. This is an 18 year old tournament and this kid is only 13, he has the potential for a promising future, but I do feel that it will be stripped away due to the trauma of living with this crazed maniac.

Maniac man was there today, and I was there today with my husband. Like I said, my husband is a USTA official himself, so today once the head official realized I was his wife, she was all apologies and assured us that she will be writing a letter herself to the head of the USTA. So, you need to be a wife of an official for action to be taken. My husband and I rarely attend tournaments together, actually, he rarely attends period, he teaches and plays constantly, he has a mistress, and her name is tennis.

Alas, my son lost his first match today in a heartbreak three setter, it must have been 100 degrees out there today. At one point his hand was so sweaty, his racket flew out of his hand, but he played well against a tough opponent. He still continues in the backdraw, so lots more tennis to be played. The most important thing, two college coaches came to recruit him, all the time, money and energy I have spent over the years with these tournaments will hopefully pay off!

[giselle]

Suzanne:

I read your post a couple days ago and found it quite shocking, I guess we all know of nutbar parents that act this way at their kids' sports events but this is obviously extreme and dangerous. Living your dreams vicariously through your kids is common enough, but when things turn violent and abusive there is no justification. You are right to point out the impact on his sons, it is almost inevitable that this behavior will be manifested in their behavior and the pattern will continue. He is a bully and I feel sorry for his family. I'm glad to hear that things have worked out ok for you, for now at least, and best wishes for your son at the tournament, hopefully he doesn't allow this guy to disrupt his focus.

[lindad_amato]

Sorry that you had such a terrible experience. One can only hope that the lunatics son is banned from playing.

[yamaf350]

Oi vey. That sounds like a terrible man. And how frightening that must be, not only for you and yours, but for his poor family. He does sound like a bomb waiting to go off, but also an angry, generally hateful bomb waiting for a reason to go off -- looking for a reason. Horrible. I grew up playing soccer, and the parents there could be really ignorant, belligerent, and threatening. I never could wrap my head around that. It's a game. It's a sport. It's supposed to be fun and help a kid stay healthy, learn a skill, et cetera. I hope that dad's been banned by now, and perhaps it would be best if his kids were taken into protective custody pending a psychological evaluation.